Monday, January 17, 2011

Preparing to Meet Chemo

First impressions are everything.
Well maybe not everything- but they are important.
For the past few weeks I have been anticipating my meeting with Chemo. I have been asking around about her, and from what I gather, like Cancer, she's a real bitch.

I've heard she's demanding, self absorbed, and doesn't understand boundaries.  I've also heard she enjoys stripping patients of their femininity and making them feel vulnerable.

Do you blame me for asking around about her? I feel like I have to do my due diligence if she is going to be in town for a while.

Here is what I have been struggling with. If Chemo is coming to visit real soon, how do I genuinely welcome her with open arms when I have heard she is downright nasty?

I woke up this morning thinking about my relationship between Chemo and Cancer both individually and as a group.  I think I am displacing some of my feelings for Cancer on Chemo.  I haven't even met Chemo and I am already being incredibly judgmental.  I have known Cancer for probably 6-7 months and I need to recognize that they are two different entities with two very different purposes.

I recognize that I need to think about Chemo in a different way. Right now Chemo and Cancer feel like a nasty duo that are preparing to take me down.

How do I train myself to see Chemo as my ally instead of my opponent?

The weeks of anticipation leading up to her visit, has caused me to think a great deal about her arrival. I am so scared of what she will do to my body that I haven't been able to spend as much time focusing on the long- term benefit she will bring. I need to start focusing on Chemo as my partner in crime, my warrior, my cure, and not as my competitor.

Like any new relationship I realize understanding Chemo, connecting with her, and eventually trusting her will take time. In the next few days leading up to her visit, I plan to do some soul searching so I can give her the welcome party she truly deserves.

2 comments:

  1. A great metaphor of compassion!

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  2. They can't take you down if you don't let them...Don't let them! Go Jenna, Go Jenna, Go Jenna, Go!!! You can do this. :)

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