1. 5 days worth of cool, comfortable clothes, with easy arm access- Check.
2. Ipad, laptop, Cancer survivor books, Jewish meditation cd- Check.
3. Biggie (Big Bird) and Moe ( Elmo)- Check.
4. Shabbat Candles- Check
5. Photos of Marc and I on the beach holding hands- Check.
6. A mental collection of beautiful and relaxing places I have been to or hope to one day visit- Check.
7. Upbeat world music- Check.
8. Peppermints and Lemonheads- Check
9. A hot shower and a close shave- Check.
10. Singing L'Chaim from Fiddler on the Roof at the top of my lungs- Check.
Ready for battle?
The anticipation is finally over. Tomorrow I will begin to actively and wholeheartedly fight my Cancer. I no longer will let her take punches and stand there puzzled. Its time to defend myself. Tomorrow- slowly and methodically I will deliver punch after to punch in retaliation for the last 6 months she has held me hostage.
Every 17 days I will be admitted to Prentice Hospital where I will spend 4-5 days having Chemo 24 hours a day.
Thats a lot to digest.
Strangely enough when my oncologist delivered the news, I felt a tremendous sense of relief and hope. He explained that he would rather over-treat me than under-treat me- to help ensure this Cancer doesn't come back. He also believes that this regimen will help ensure I wont have radiation down the road.
I never thought I wold be excited to start Chemo- but I really am. I think reframing my relationship with her has helped a great deal, and while the wait has been brutal it has given me a lot of time to think about what is to come, and reflect. I am not as wrapped up in the side effects as I am focused in knocking her out.
As I prepare for my long hospital day I posit a few questions to those of that are reading.
1. Do you have any "light" t-v shows that are easy to get into and will hold my attention?
2. Any books that are page turners (that preferably have nothing to do with Cancer?
3. Any rituals, thoughts, quotes, mantras, prayers that you think I should consider integrating into my practice?
4. Any good new music???
Thank you for your input! I welcome it.
It's strange to think that this will be my last post before Chemo enters my body and before I really start fighting. Actually- scratch that. I have been fighting for a long time now- maybe not with medicine but with my mind. Tomorrow I will get to deliver the 1-2 punch.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers throughout this process.
I not only hear you, but I feel you.