Saturday, April 9, 2011

It's There In My Blood.

The first three rounds of Chemo were child's play compared to round 4.

My body has still not really bounced back. I tire easily, sleep terribly, and I have a permanent sore throat- because Cancer/Chemo likes to take the good cells in your mouth too.

This morning I found a few eyelashes in my cereal bowl- that was humbling.

My eyebrows have thinned, I have lost more weight, and my muscles are looking pretty small these days.

My port is now more prominent, there is virtually no hair on my body, and my skin has lost a lot of its pigment.

Cancer/Chemo continues to throw her nasty punches, and this round she crept up on me, surprised me, and tried to knock me down.

She failed.

The reason why she failed is because I am using the power of my mind to desperately hold on to my spirit.

My body may be beaten up, worn down, and repeatedly sacrificed throughout this fight, but my mind continues to remain strong and as a result, my spirit continues to soar.

In my last entry I wrote about how my world, and my life revolves around my blood.  What I didn't realize is that the way I have chosen to fight and continue to fight Cancer, is also there in my blood.
B Positive.

I have chosen to use positivity to Kill Cancer in the Butt.

Throughout my fight I have not lost hope. I have had many dark moments, have been overcome by fear, and crippled by what if's- but at the end of the day, I am inherently hopeful, I am biologically positive- it's there in my blood.

I am able to remain hopeful because of my strong will to live, and my mind's remarkable ability to lift my spirit.

I dance alone in my room to fight Cancer.
I sing at the top of my lungs to fight Cancer.
I write to you to fight Cancer.

Through dance, through song, through writing I am able to awaken my spirit, and hold on to who I am at the very core.

While my body may be weakening, these acts are strengthening the most important part of me that lies beneath the skin.

This week many of you joined me on the dance floor. You twisted your way into my world, and gave me a glimpse into yours.  In doing so you graciously reminded me that I am not alone in this fight, and that I am not alone on the dance floor.  In joining me, you strengthened my mind, lifted my spirit, and gave me tremendous ammunition for yet another round.

As my body continues to become more fragile, I will continue to dance, to sing, and to write because it is helping me to stay positive, which is in my blood, which is my world, which is my life.



  1. Right on.

    Keep it up. You're an inspiration.

  2. Superb blog, so inspirational. I heard about this from your friend Karina who I met in Zanzibar and loved the idea that people are posting the twist. I can't at the moment but will post a Chad twist when I get the opportunity.
    Keep fighting, keep strong.

  3. Nicky,
    Thanks so much for following my journey all the way from Zanzibar and Chad! I look forward to seeing your twist!!!
    With love,