Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Importance of Numbers.

Over the course of the last 6 months, I have become fascinated with numbers.  In an earlier blog post I mentioned how my dear friend Holly, a New York City Public School English Teacher was hit by a drunk driver and had been struggling to find her voice. She was unable to describe her experiences using words, and found herself relying on numbers. 
Holly hates numbers.

After months of hard work and digging deep, Holly reclaimed her voice and has started writing again. Her mind is sharp, her word choices are poetic, and she is perhaps stronger now than she has ever been.

Similar to Holly, I also recognize the importance of numbers, but have not been strangled by them. 

6 rounds of chemotherapy, 6 months of treatment, 6 months that passed between my Cancer diagnosis and contracting a near fatal bacterial infection.

6 x 3= 18= Chai in Hebrew= Life.

2 month's ago when I signed up for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society's Team in Training 1/2 Marathon
I set my goal at $18,000 because it symbolized life.

Is this all a coincidence?

Is it possible that I am placing too much emphasis on numbers because I am searching for meaning?

Before I entered round 6,  I impulsively decided that I needed to move in order to have a fresh start. My apartment reminded me of Cancer and I desperately wanted my home to represent growth and renewal.  It was almost serendipitous that my current lease was expiring on June1st, the date that my body eventually rebounded from my last stay at Hotel Prentice. 

This past weekend I moved from the 30th floor to the 29th floor.

29 has been a tough year, but also one that has been colored by profoundly beautiful changes.

On October 4th, when I celebrate my 30th birthday, I will welcome this day, this year, this decade with open arms.

Every day when I enter the elevator and hit floor 29, I will be reminded of how I needed to get through the darkest days of 29 in order to fully understand how to embrace 30.

Sometimes you have to take a step back in order to take a step forward.

I can only hope that the memories created in this new living space will be described using words like healthy, strong, love, and life.

I believe that sometimes numbers have the power to lead us to the words that we have been searching for.

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