Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Searching For My Flip Flops

As my body and mind continue to heal, and I slowly get stronger, I find myself searching- searching for the flip flops that I abruptly left behind in the sand nearly 7 months ago when I was diagnosed with Cancer.

My shiny, pink, glittery flip flops are now buried deep- nowhere to be found. As the days continue to pass-they sink deeper. The sand is eroding their sparkle, and I fear that they may actually be unrecognizable if I were to actually find them.

Over the last two weeks as my side effects have subsided and I have reentered the world, I admittedly have caught myself desperately trying to find my shoes so that I could immediately fill them. When I catch myself  searching- I inevitably experience a sense of loss and sadness.

I can't go back to the path I abruptly left on December 20, 2010. 
I can't go back to the person I used to be.
I can't go back to the life I used to lead.

And this is all ok.

I am not saying its not hard- it's really hard- but it is also a tremendous opportunity.

I now have the ability to pick out a new pair of shoes, find a new path, and figure out the life that I want to lead.

I replaced my pink glitter glam flip flops, with gold Reebok high tops from the 80's.
I am no longer slowly walking down the path, but I am twisting.
And I am living today- moment to moment, breath to breath, heartbeat to heartbeat.

I wake up every morning from the excitement of being alive. I look at each day as an opportunity to transform and grow. The world around me is glowing.

As Cancer starts to move from center stage into the chorus, and as the new and improved Jenna starts to emerge, I look forward to embracing the days ahead- because they are gifts.

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