Friday, February 18, 2011

Conversations with a Green Skinned Lady Rocking a Purple Afro

I am pleased to report the overwhelming, mind-numbing, paralyzing fatigue has lifted! I am no longer sinking deeper and deeper into my bed. My mind is officially clear and I feel reborn.

The fatigue I experience post chemo is simply put- scary as hell. It is completely debilitating. Getting out of bed to go to the bathroom takes real mental effort. 3 days ago I was hooked up to a chemo machine and biked 16 miles- yesterday I could barely get up the energy to get out of bed.

My body is in a state of confusion. 

Yesterday at least I was prepared for what was to come. I knew the fatigue was waiting to set in, I knew I was going to become very quiet, and I knew I would eventually come out of it.

After nearly 24 hours of being in it- the fog has now lifted and I am revived.

Last night for the first time I took a pill called Marinol which is used to stimulate appetite and help manage Chemo's glorious side effects.  I lay on my bed waiting for the drug to take affect but was surprised by the delay. I stared at the clock, watching the seconds turn into minutes, and the minutes turn into hours.  Time seemed to be standing still. I stared harder at the clock, logically thinking that by glaring at it - the hours would go by quicker, and that my rebirth would somehow happen faster.

It didn't work.

Somewhere between glaring at the clock and watching E- news on repeat- Marinol's magic, or perhaps curse- took effect. All of a sudden I was ravenous! I ate a full protein packed meal, followed by frozen chocolates, and then laughed at my mom for a good 20 minutes.  She tried to understand what on earth was so funny, and I responded with deep belly laughs.

As my mom left me alone with my laughter,  I then proceeded to have a conversation with a green skinned lady rocking a purple afro.

In my mind we talked about mother nature, the animal kingdom, and foliage. 

It was deep.

I very quickly realized this drug was in full effect and there was just no stopping it. My mind was spinning, my sense of reality was dwindling, and I was becoming more and more silent.

I wanted it to stop but it continued for 6 hours. I eventually succumbed to sleep at 7:30 pm and woke up at 10:30 dazed and confused.  I stayed up for another few hours trying to come back to earth and make sense of WTF just happened.  

Once the drug wore off I managed to fall back to sleep until this morning. At 6:00 am I woke up, breathed deep, and realized my body was healing- really healing.

The body that I inhabit today is not the body I inhabited yesterday. Today I am strong, I am ready, I am present.


  1. I love it. Are we talkin' neon green, or more like Wicked Witch of the West green? I think this might be inspiration for our Chiditarod costumes!!!

  2. Jenn- definitely wicked witch of the west green.

  3. mother nature nature, the animal kingdom and foliage? i think long-term effects of marinol use include graduate work in wildlife biology. consider yourself warned.