This has become my mantra this week and it is helping!
Yesterday when I woke up, I lay in my bed, slowly twirling my toes, and eventually opening my eyes to be greeted by the most magnificent sunrise. The rose colored rays came pouring into my bedroom and lit up the rest of my apartment. I was so moved by the vision that I immediately thereafter started to vocalize my blessings.
No one was here- it was just me- and I was talking loudly!
My thanks rolled off the tip of my tongue so easily. It was as if I couldn't get the blessings out quick enough. I was thorough, shallow and also insightful. My thanks ranged from being grateful for the taste of chocolate, to having a warm bed, to being kept safely from harm.
Over the past few days as I have further and further delved into blessings, intention and music, I have noticed that my body, mind, heart and spirit are on the mend and healing.
Today, for the first time in 3.5 months, I decided to venture back to the FFC gym which is where I injured myself and days later found out I had Cancer. Today, I felt strong enough to return to what in mind felt like the scene of the crime. I am not sure if I was consciously avoiding returning to the location, but I can recognize now that I was nervous about whether or not the space would somehow trigger bad memories for me.
Today I was feeling brave. I felt ready to endure some physical activity, and was prepared to stare at myself in the mirror, 25 lbs lighter, 3 rounds of chemo completed, and yes- Cancer free.
The last time I was in this gym, my body was being ravaged by the disease, and I was walking around completely oblivious to it.
So, like any warrior, I laced up my armor. I put on my Kill It In the Butt T-shirt, my neon green lymphoma bracelet, and tied on my Survivor Stand Up to Cancer doo rag. I also reapplied my lipstick right before leaving- because thats how I roll.
I walked up to the check in desk and saw the attendant that usually tries to flirt with me. This time his tactic was a little different than the norm. "Hey, how you doing?" "I'm well thanks, how are you." "You look like you are about to go swimming". "No- I'm not going swimming." "Sure you are." "No really- I'm not." "Well what's with the cap?" "Well, I'm bald as a babe under here, and I am fighting Cancer, so hence the cap."
He looked at me as if I knocked the wind out of him. Quickly recovering, he proceeded to raise up his hand and give me a high five. I walked away unsure of how to react.
Who high fives Cancer?
It was kind of the perfect reaction.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate when people tell me how sorry they are for what I am dealing with. I am sorry too- it sucks. But there is something to be said for giving the complete opposite reaction to what you are supposed to do or say. The attendant could have said, "Jenna, I am really sorry- I had no idea, and I feel like an ass". But instead he saw me show up at the gym, like a warrior in training, staring that bitch in the face, and decided to high five me for it.
So Mr. Attendant, I thank you for prying, I thank you for misjudging, and I thank you for your high five. I needed it.
You motivated me to run 6 miles tonight and for that I am grateful.
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