For the last 8 months I have been grounded. Grounded by a disease that has taken too many moments to try to understand. Grounded by side effects that has forced me to dance in the shadows and feel excluded from the world around me. Grounded by a permanently changed perspective that I unknowingly adopted after facing my own mortality.
As I waited in anticipation for the day when I could finally take flight, I had a lot of time to think about what grounds me. What exactly keeps me rooted, centered, and focused, as the world around me unexpectedly shifts and changes?
For years I dreamed about moving to Israel and creating a life in a land that I felt a deep spiritual, emotional, and cultural connection to. A few years ago I was in the process of making aliyah, because I whole-heartedly believed that this was where I was meant to be. I was convinced that living in Israel would bring me the sense of fulfillment and wholeness that I was desperately searching, longing and hoping for.
As it turns out it was Cancer, not Israel, that led me to this feeling of fulfillment.
While Cancer may have physically grounded me, my inner world, my emotional world, and my spiritual world transcended and evolved at a speed that was at times alarming.
I had a tremendous amount of time to think about my priorities, my hopes and dreams, and the full life I was determined to lead after I twisted out Cancer. As my physicality became more severely compromised, my heart and mind opened -waiting to be filled up.
While Israel is and will always be a magical and special place for me, I realize now that it is not about where you are physically but rather where you are emotionally that matters.
Since completing treatment, I find myself engaged in moments that remind me that I am exactly where I should be.
I am here today because my heart, mind, and inner world are open. I am here today because I refused to let Cancer ground the other parts of me. I am here today holding the hands of my two childhood friends, taking my first flight after 8 months, with the knowledge that no matter where we go, there we are.
So thank you Cancer for grounding me, for elevating me, for fulfilling me.